Did anybody else get wished a happy single awareness day, or was it just me?
Just me? Okay, cool.
Or maybe you heard the oh so familiar (and frustrating) line “don’t worry, one day it will happen” from your trying-to-be-helpful family and friends?
Again, just me? Man, that’s rough. Maybe I need to start spending less time looking for love and more time looking for new friends. Jk! I have good friends (I would venture to say the best), but listen, sometimes this isn’t what I want to hear. Especially when in the back of my mind, I’m pretty sure it’s my fault the whole “love thing” isn’t happening for me.
See, here are my main problems with love:
1. I only want what I can’t have. I’ve had this discussion with my bfffff Tara multiple times, I am honestly only interested in someone until he shows any amount of interest in me. Seriously. It happens pretty much every time. Every single time a new guys comes into my life and I think I might be in love with him (because those of you that know me know that I’m pretty much an all or nothing kind of girl, and that I sometimes use the word love too loosely), it’s obviously easier for me to love him from afar. But then, if said guy decides he also wants to love me, it’s game over. Game. Over. I’m pretty sure it’s a defense mechanism. You know, as long as there is absolutely no chance of a relationship there is also pretty much no chance of a broken heart. It’s solid logic, but not a solid way to actually live life. It’s a concerning aspect of my personality that I’m trying really hard to fix. I mean, what if one day Will Anderson appears in my life and I shut him down? I can’t be having that.
2. I tend to get defensive. When a guy that I’m interested in (and still talking to, see problem #1) hurts my feelings, I immediately go on the defensive and put up a wall. And then it’s game over. And contrary to popular belief, I do actually have pretty fragile feelings. I’ll probably never even tell him that he hurt my feelings, and he’ll probably never even know what he did wrong, but something will shift. And it will be game over.
I also tend to find myself fairly undesirable…a lifetime of not being desired will do that to you. So if a guy shows any sort of interest in me, I immediately have She’s All That flashbacks and assume it’s a game, so I get defensive of myself.
“Misty, you are so pretty. Let’s go on a date.” -boy who is actually trying to be nice.
“–insert snide, sarcastic comment–” -my immediate reaction.
There are just so many mind games played today (by guys and girls) that it’s too hard to take anyone seriously. Also, I’ve had my share of broken hearts over silly games, and I’m not inclined to ever have to mend one again. So I just shut it down and don’t accept pursuing, because who knows if it real or a game? Once again, defense mechanism. It’s easier to not play the game, than to play the game a lose. This one is unfair to all the actual good guys, and I know that. You shouldn’t have to pay for others mistakes, but alas, you do, and I’m sorry. I’m working on that, too.
3. Friendzoning. I spend an unhealthy amount of time in the friend zone. Or more accurately, in limbo. Where you’re not quite sure what’s going on. Are we just friends? Are we friends with potential? Are we more than friends? Am I just a hook-up? LIKE, WHY IS THERE SO MUCH GREY? Why can’t it be black and white? I’m not saying people should go from nothing to love immediately (like I so often do in my head), but if you’ve been “friends” for a while and you’re still in limbo, something needs done about that. And my problem is that something always gets done, it’s just not the good something. Usually if I find my self in limbo with a guy, I get mad that he can’t just make it black and white, so I go ahead and choose for him. Friendzone. Game over. If you’re reading this, and you think you might want to some day date me, heed my words…be a man about it (I know I’m giving advice that applies directly to me, but really you should give this courtesy with every girl). Have a DTR with me (DTR = Define The Relationship). If we are in limbo, be a man and let me know what you want out the relationship. Unfortunately for you (and fortunately for me) you are the man, so you get to be the one responsible for initiating the relationship. Sorry bro, house rules. If this DTR does not occur in what I deem a reasonable amount of time, I will get mad, and I will choose for you, and it will always be the friend zone. I’m sure this strategy has booted some pretty good guys from life as well.
So, there you have it. There is my self-disclosure for the week. I have a defective brain.
Now you all know why I’m still single, so please, stop asking.
Peculiar that this is the second article I have read in about the last hour that has been written with similar tones on the same subject by women about the same age.
I think you have answered your question through your writings Misty. You are sabotaging yourself and the potential for relationships. If you set something up to fail, it will fail every time. You will have to open yourself up and yes – the potential to have your heart broken exists – but no great thing in life was ever achieved easily. You won’t find what you desire always being back on your heels. By doing so, the slightest thing that goes wrong, will cause you to give up or create a “I told you so” scenario because you didn’t believe it would work out anyways.
Relationships take time to work and develop. This is for both plutonic and romantic ones. We have to learn one another and take time to understand each other.
Take time to learn yourself. Be true to who you are and explore what you want out of life. Remember – we can’t be happy with someone else until we are happy with who we are. Since you have a graduation picture up dated “2008” I am going to assume you are likely in your early 20s. That is an amazing time in a person’s life. You are growing in so many different avenues – personally, professionally, etc. Take the time to date and meet new people and learn not only about yourself but what you want out of life and a partner.
Never settle and always be true to yourself. Be confident in who you are. You seem like you have a lot to offer. From the pictures you have posted, you are very attractive and you write well thus appear to be educated. Remember that mens’ brains don’t even fully form until we are 25 – so give us a little time to catch up. Haha!
Have fun and don’t be so hard on yourself (or others). Things happen in life when you usually least expect them to.
Best wishes to you!