Posts Tagged With: Taylor Swift

#BeachHouse2016: Dauphin Island

Today is our last full day at Dauphin Island, and it’s already making me sad.
It’s been such a good week here. IMG_6511
The only stresser being whether or not we were actually going to make it back to the shore with our paddle-boards (we did make it, for the record, with only minor injuries).
To be totally honest, I was a little apprehensive about coming to Dauphin Island, because normally we go to North Carolina every year, and I wasn’t real excited to change that. I was afraid we were coming to an island with absolutely nothing, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised. The water is warmer and clearer here, and there is a pizza place that serves the best pizza, so really I’ve got all I need.

Plus my best friends are here, too.
(Now if only I could get Clark to make a 12 hour trip in the car.) IMG_6539

I’ve spent a lot of time by the water that last few days (the red hue of my skin will vouch for that) and this is a small sample of what I’ve been listening to:

  1. Can’t Stop the Feeling – Justin Timberlake – Single From DreamWorks TROLLS
    “I got that sunshine in my pocket. Got that good song in my feet. I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops. I can’t take my eyes up off it, moving so phenomenally.” 
  2. Heartbeat – Mat Kearney – Just Kids
    “I feel your heart beat, beat, beat beating right next to me. The heat, heat, heat got me feeling like I believe in all the things, baby, that we could be.”
  3. Cake by the Ocean – DNCE – Swway EP
    “You should be rolling with me, you should be rolling with me. You’re a real life fantasy, you’re a real life fantasy. But you’re moving so carefully; let’s start living dangerously.”
  4. Giants – Matt Nathanson – Show Me Your Fangs
    “I’m done trying to fit in, and be half forgiven for things that I never did. We’re more than what scares us, we’re final and fearless.”
  5. Rock Bottom – Hailee Steinfeld – Haiz
    “You hate me now and I feel the same way. You love me now and I feel the same way. We scream and we shout and make up the same day, same day.”
  6. New Orleans – Parachute – Wide Awake
    “We’re runnin’ by the river, the city lights are blazing. She looks like she could fly off, like gravity is failing.”
  7. We Don’t Talk Anymore – Charlie Puth feat. Selena Gomez – Nine Track Mind
    “Every now and then I think you might want me to come show up at your door. But I’m just too afraid that I’ll be wrong.”
  8. Peppermint Ice Cream – Brett Taylor – Highway Jetliner
    “When life gets to moving too fast we kiss and it slows down. We might not know what it’s about, we’re too young to have it figured out.”
  9. The Sound – The 1975 – I Love It When You Sleep…
    “I don’t regret it but I’m glad that we’re through. So don’t you tell me that you ‘just don’t get it’ cause I know you do.”
  10. Dancing in The Dark – Bruce Springsteen – Born in the U.S.A.
    “You sit around getting older, there’s a joke here somewhere and it’s on me. ‘ll shake this world off my shoulders, come on baby this laugh’s on me.”
  11. Love Me Like That – The Knocks feat. Carly Rae Jepsen – 55
    “I hear thunder in the distance, and it hits me in an instant. Crashing through my heart and I’m blown apart, you don’t love me like that.”
  12. Unexpected Love – Matt Wertz – Gun Shy
    “Sun 
    shinin’ in the morning’, midnight, you’re the moon. You’re the tide in the ocean pullin’ me right into you.” 
  13. Blank Space – Taylor Swift – 1989
    “‘Cause we’re young and we’re reckless, we’ll take this way too far. It’ll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar.”
  14. I’m Yours – Alessia Cara – Know-It-All
    “Oh, how rude of you to ruin my miserable, and tell me I’m beautiful. ‘Cause I wasn’t looking for love, no.”
  15. Talk Too Much – COIN – Single
    “Silence is golden, and you’ve got my hopes up. We talk too much. No hesitation, what are we waiting for? We talk too much.”
  16. Something in the Way You Move – Ellie Goulding – Delirium
    “There’s not one thing I can do to change your ways, but I can’t sit back and take the lonely days. When our eyes meet, I can only see the end.”
  17. Get the Girl Back – Hanson – Anthem
    “Tell her she’s your moon and sun. Tell her that she’s always been the one. You’ve gotta say it from the heart ‘cause she will know a fake right from the start.”
  18. One Dance – Drake feat WizKid & Kyle – Views
    “You know you gotta stick by me. Soon as you see the text, reply me. I don’t wanna spend time fighting. We’ve got no time.”
  19. No – Meghan Trainer – Thank You
    “I was in my zone, before you came along, don’t want you to take this personal. Blah, blah, blah, I be like nah to the ah to the no, no, no.”
  20. Don’t Mess With My Girl – Jon McLaughlin – Like Us
    “If you mess with my girl…you leave me with no choice. Imma have to raise my voice get all up in your face. And put you right in your place.”
  21. Bullet – Chelsea Lankes – Chelsea Lankes – EP
    “And I played my favorite song. Turned up the volume and I danced. I didn’t care anymore. I’m better than I’ve ever looked. And boy, I never felt this good.”
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#GratiTuesday: Meant To Be Moments

 

It may sound silly or ridiculous, or inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but I’m grateful for live music. I’m grateful for music in general, but most of all when I’m experiencing it first hand.

Dancing with 500, or 500,000 people in a loud concert hall is where I feel the most me. When I feel the baseline pulsing through my veins and my heartbeat is indistinguishable from the drumbeat. Those are my Meant To Be moments.

What is a Meant To Be moment, you ask? It’s just like how it sounds. When you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are in the right place. This place feels like home for you. Because it is. You heart is at home. I was talking with my best friend Tara about it on our drive back from Tulsa Saturday night, it could be anything for anyone. That’s the joy about it. My Meant To Be moments, and your Meant To Be moments could be (and probably are) totally different.

Tara feels it at the zoo. Any zoo.

And I experience it every single time I go to a concert.
Every show.
Every time.
It’s such a hard concept to explain to people. Because, duhhhh? Who doesn’t feel happy when they are at a concert? But it’s more that just euphoric happiness for me, it’s contentment.

I experienced it last Saturday at Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa, Oklahoma dancing to “New Orleans” with Parachute. And I’m sure I’ll experience it at Old Rock House in St. Louis this coming Saturday when I see Parachute again.


I felt it every time my wrist band flashed at the 1989 World Tour.


I had it when I was nine years old and my parents took me to a Kansas concert.
And when I was an annoying 12-year-old with her mom and sister seeing NSYNC. And again when I was 24-years-old, but pretending to be 13-years-old, at a Backstreet Boys concert. And yet again when JT brought sexy back.


It reverberated in my heart when Billy Joel told me (and 24,000 other people) that “Vienna waits for you.” And I could hardly stand it when Hanson filled my heart and soul with Roots and Rock N Roll at the Dallas House of Blues.

That’s why every time I leave a concert, it’s such quick onset of Post-Concert Depression. Because that feeling is so fleeting and so rare for me, that Meant To Be feeling. It’s so rare, but I want to live it every day. I can’t even comprehend what it would feel like for me to work for a venue or for a tour and get to have that feeling every night. It would be more than you can imagine, more than I could ever even imagine.

Some people want to make lots of money. Some people want to be mommies and daddies. Other people want to travel the world. Others want to save it.

Me?
I just want to spend every night in a venue until I’ve lost all my proper hearing 🙂

Happy #GratiTuesday!

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When it’s 70 degrees in February

When it’s warm outside in February, there is no other option but to make a playlist you can listen to while your dog drags you around the park (I should really get a wagon or sled or something for him to pull me in, w’d both have more fun that way).  IMG_5736

All You Had To Do Was Stay – Taylor Swift – 1989
“People like you always want back, the love they pushed aside, but people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye.” 

Wild – Troye Sivan – Wild EP
“You make my heart shake, bend, and break. But I can’t turn away and it’s driving me wild.”

Without You – Parachute – Wide Awake
“Doesn’t matter where I go. Doesn’t matter if I run. We were always gonna get too close. We were always gonna fall in love.”

Remedy – Adele – 25
“When the world seems so cruel, and your heart makes you feel like a fool. I promise you will see that I will be your remedy.”

Don’t – Ed Sheeran – X
“And I wasn’t looking for a promise or 
commitment, but this was never just fun and I thought you were different.”

Same Old Love – Selena Gomez – Revival
“Take away your things and go, you can’t take back what you said. I know I’ve heard it all before at least a million times, I’m not one to forget, you know.”

Ordinary Words – Hanson – Members Only EP 2010
“Well, give it to me straight, so I can feel your pain. Nothing lasts forever, life don’t work that way. I know you’d love to hate me, but it’s too late for that.”

Say You’re Mine – Kate Voegele – Gravity Happens
“I bit my tongue for too long. My patience gets a bit thin. I gotta tell you the way that it is. I think you know this is something different we’ve started. We’re more than ordinary.”

Disappear – Matt Nathanson – Show Me Your Fangs
“For my greatest trick, the one everyone cheers. You’re deep in love, and I’m not even here.”

Should’ve Been Us – Tori Kelly – Unbreakable Smile
“Dressed up, got my heart messed up. You got yours and I got mine. It’s unfair that I still care and I wonder where you are tonight.”

Alone Again – Betty Who – Take Me When You Go
“Get away. Anywhere but here. I’m gonna give you a break. Drive until you disappear. And maybe then you’ll say ‘don’t ever leave me alone again’.”

Sorry – Justin Bieber – Purpose
“I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice. And by once or twice I mean maybe a couple a hundred times.”

Out Of the Woods – Taylor Swift – 1989
“Remember when we couldn’t take the heat? I walked out and said, ‘I’m settin’ you free,’ but the monsters turned out to be just trees. And when the sun came up you were looking at me.” 

We Don’t Talk Anymore – Charlie Puth Feat Selena Gomez – 9 Track Mind
“Every now and then I think you might want me to come show up at your door. But I’m just too afraid that I’ll be wrong.”

Shameless – The Weeknd – Beauty Behind The Madness
“You want me to fix you but it’s never enough. That’s why you always call me cause you’re scared to be loved.”

Holes Inside – Joe Brooks – A Reason To Swim
“If you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light. Because sometimes, fate and your dreams will collide. So don’t walk away from me.” 

Energy – Drake – If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late
“I got girls askin’ me about the code for the Wi-Fi. So they can talk about they timeline and show me pictures of they friends, just to tell me they ain’t really friends.”

Catch Me – Demi Lovato – Here We Go Again
“Before I fall too fast, kiss me quick but make it last. So I can see how badly this will hurt me when you say goodbye.”

Perfect – One Direction – Made in the A.M.
“If you like cameras flashing every time we go out…”

Jinx – DANC – Swway EP
“Fingers cross when I kiss you. Knocking on wood when I miss you. Acting like a teenage fool when you are with me.” 

Sun is Shining – Axwell ^ Ingrosso – Sun is Shining (Single)
“And we’re gonna be alright. Dry your tears and hold tight. Can’t you tell I got news for you. Sun is shining and so are you.”

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#GratiTuesday: Side by side or miles a part, sisters will always be connected by the heart

This week I am grateful for my sister, Stephanie Bradshaw. Her birthday was last week, and this post was supposed to occur then, but as you clearly can see, planning ahead is not my strong suit.

SIMG_1749teph and I grew up in an unconventional family system. As you may know (or not know), we are technically only half-sisters. Not that that has ever really mattered to us, it just means that we had different dads. It never meant that we were any sort of “second rate sisters” or whatever. She grew up with my grandparents in their home with my brother, while I grew up at home with my mom and dad (her mom also, just so we’re clear). I honestly think that’s probably why we get along so well, because we never really had to compete for attention. And I’m sure that 8.5 year (to be exact. I was her half-brithday present) age gap helps in that as well, that meant we were never trying to share friends or make-up or clothing, so there was really nothing to fight about.

I can remember being probably about 6th grade aged and it was the beginning of the school year and my parents didn’t have the money to take me new clothes shopping, and as far as I was concerned that was the end of the world. Because what kind of girls shows up to the first day of school in something she wore to school last year? But Steph took me shopping with her own money and bought me at least two new outfits (one of them included Mary-Kate and Ashley brand electric blue plaid pants). And it was then that I knew I wanted to be like hr when I grew up. Steph is kind, and funny (sometimes the two are mutually exclusive). She thinks of others. She’s a thoughtful, creative writer. And I’m proud that she is my sister. IMG_2557

These days we’re best friends because that 8.5 years didn’t matter so much once we both because adults. Though she does still feed me on occasion because as an adult mother she cooks dinner every night, and as an adult with just a dog I don’t always cook dinner (read: pretty much never).

We like to go to concerts together (namely Taylor Swift, we’ve seen her every time she’s come to the Sprint Center) and we like to go shopping…well I like to go shopping, she probably wouldn’t agree so much on that one. What we can agree on is Cici’s Pizza, we would both eat there literally every day if given the chance.

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Love you, Steph! Happy GratiTuesday!

(Lucky for everyone I’m such a poor planner that I couldn’t find any photos of us as children. I did com across this one from her wedding though! So rejoice, sister! Also you can thank our mother who pretty much took zero photos during my childhood.)

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Grammy “Predictions”

Each year I try to predict how the Academy will choose it’s winner, but the is year I’m 26 and have discovered that there is literally no predicting anything. Not the weather, and definitely not the Academy.

So this year I’m just going to to go with my heart and choose who I want to win the awards. (and you can pretty much assume if T. Swift is nominated, I want her to win.) I didn’t choose for the awards of music I didn’t listen to…obviously. Some of the awards I have attached reasons I want them to win…some of them I didn’t.

Record Of The Year
• Really Love — D’Angelo And The Vanguard
• Uptown Funk — Mark Ronson Featuring Bruno Mars
• Thinking Out Loud — Ed Sheeran
• Blank Space — Taylor Swift
• Can’t Feel My Face — The Weeknd

If we give them a Grammy will the song go away? I like it (not as much as I liked the bottom three nominees), and it was good the first 400 billion times I heard it, but now I find myself switching stations when it comes on. But, the fact that I’ve hear it upwards of 400 billion times has got to count for something. 

Album Of The Year
• Sound & Color —  Alabama Shakes
• To Pimp A Butterfly — Kendrick Lamar
• Traveller —  Chris Stapleton
• 1989 — Taylor Swift
• Beauty Behind The Madness — The Weeknd

The Academy is so random when they choose their winners. I can’t actually decide how they choose? Commercial success? Critical success? Relevancy? I’m actually convinced they just put all the names in a hat and draw from it. Yes, all of the albums are good, but none of them had the selling power of 1989, nor did any of the rest of them produce as many singles as 1989.

Song Of The Year
• Alright —  Kendrick Duckworth, Mark Anthony Spears & Pharrell Williams, songwriters (Kendrick Lamar)
• Blank Space — Max Martin, Shellback & Taylor Swift, songwriters
(Taylor Swift)
• Girl Crush — Hillary Lindsey, Lori McKenna & Liz Rose, songwriters
(Little Big Town)
• See You Again — Andrew Cedar, Justin Franks, Charles Puth & Cameron Thomaz, songwriters (Wiz Khalifa Featuring Charlie Puth)
• Thinking Out Loud — Ed Sheeran & Amy Wadge, songwriters
(Ed Sheeran)

I love Ed Sheeran, and I loved See You Again…but Blank Space is one of the best written, most clever, and creative songs to be written in a long time.

Best New Artist
• Courtney Barnett
• James Bay
• Sam Hunt
• Tori Kelly
• Meghan Trainor

This one, for me, is kind of a toss up between Megan Trainer and Tori Kelly. Megan Trainer writes some pretty catchy songs, but Tori Kelly is a pretty much undiscovered powerhouse.

Best Pop Solo Performance
• Heartbeat Song — Kelly Clarkson
• Love Me Like You Do — Ellie Goulding
• Thinking Out Loud — Ed Sheeran
• Blank Space — Taylor Swift
• Can’t Feel My Face — The Weeknd

Be still my heart.

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance
• Ship To Wreck — Florence + The Machine
• Sugar — Maroon 5
• Uptown Funk — Mark Ronson Featuring Bruno Mars
• Bad Blood — Taylor Swift Featuring Kendrick Lamar
• See You Again — Wiz Khalifa Featuring Charlie Puth

I actually like the Taylor Swift not featuring Kendrick Lamar version better. And this is my favorite Maroon 5 song since their Hands All Over album. 

Best Pop Vocal Album
• Piece By Piece — Kelly Clarkson
• How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful — Florence + The Machine
• Uptown Special — Mark Ronson
 • 1989 — Taylor Swift
• Before This World — James Taylor

Best Dance Recording
• We’re All We Need — Above & Beyond Featuring Zoë Johnston
• Go — The Chemical Brothers
• Never Catch Me —  Flying Lotus Featuring Kendrick Lamar
• Runaway (U & I) — Galantis
• Where Are Ü Now — Skrillex And Diplo With Justin Bieber

Give the Biebs a Grammy!

Best Rap Performance
• Apparently —  J. Cole
• Back To Back — Drake
• Trap Queen — Fetty Wap
• Alright — Kendrick Lamar
• Truffle Butter —  Nicki Minaj Featuring Drake & Lil Wayne
• All Day — Kanye West Featuring Theophilus London, Allan Kingdom & Paul McCartney

Full disclosure: I only listen to Drake.

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
• One Man Can Change The World — Big Sean Featuring Kanye West & John Legend
• Glory —  Common & John Legend
• Classic Man — Jidenna Featuring Roman GianArthur
• These Walls — Kendrick Lamar Featuring Bilal, Anna Wise & Thundercat
• Only —  Nicki Minaj Featuring Drake, Lil Wayne & Chris Brown

This song made it onto my ultimate summer 2015 playlist

Best Rap Song
• All Day — Ernest Brown, Tyler Bryant, Sean Combs, Mike Dean, Rennard East, Noah Goldstein, Malik Yusef Jones, Karim Kharbouch, Allan Kyariga, Kendrick Lamar, Paul McCartney, Victor Mensah, Charles Njapa, Che Pope, Patrick Reynolds, Allen Ritter, Kanye West, Mario Winans & Cydel Young, songwriters
(Kanye West Featuring Theophilus London, Allan Kingdom & Paul McCartney)
• Alright — Kendrick Duckworth, Mark Anthony Spears & Pharrell Williams, songwriters (Kendrick Lamar)
• Energy — Richard Dorfmeister, A. Graham, Markus Kienzl, M. O’Brien, M. Samuels & Phillip Thomas, songwriters
(Drake)
• Glory — Lonnie Lynn, Che Smith & John Stephens, songwriters
(Common & John Legend)
• Trap Queen — Tony Fadd & Willie J. Maxwell, songwriters
(Fetty Wap)

Side note: WHY DO YOU NEED NINETEEN SONGWRITERS FOR ONE SONG! If it takes that many people to make it work…you should just give it up!

Best Rap Album
• 2014 Forest Hills Drive —  J. Cole
• Compton —  Dr. Dre
• If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late — Drake
• To Pimp A Butterfly — Kendrick Lamar
• The Pinkprint — Nicki Minaj

Best Country Solo Performance
• Burning House — Cam
• Traveller — Chris Stapleton
• Little Toy Guns — Carrie Underwood
• John Cougar, John Deere, John 3:16 — Keith Urban
• Chances Are — Lee Ann Womack

Best Country Duo/Group Performance
• Stay A Little Longer — Brothers Osborne
• If I Needed You — Joey+Rory
• The Driver — Charles Kelley, Dierks Bentley & Eric Paslay
• Girl Crush — Little Big Town
• Lonely Tonight — Blake Shelton Featuring Ashley Monroe

Boy can Charles Kelly sing.

Best Country Song
• Chances Are — Hayes Carll, songwriter
(Lee Ann Womack)
• Diamond Rings And Old Barstools — Barry Dean, Luke Laird & Jonathan Singleton, songwriters (Tim McGraw)
• Girl Crush — Hillary Lindsey, Lori McKenna & Liz Rose, songwriters
(Little Big Town)
• Hold My Hand — Brandy Clark & Mark Stephen Jones, songwriters
(Brandy Clark)
• Traveller — Chris Stapleton, songwriter
(Chris Stapleton)

Pretty clever. 

Best Country Album
• Montevallo — Sam Hunt
• Pain Killer — Little Big Town
• The Blade — Ashley Monroe
• Pageant Material — Kacey Musgraves
• Traveller — Chris Stapleton

Best Compilation Soundtrack For Visual Media
• Empire: Season 1
• Fifty Shades Of Grey
• Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me
• Pitch Perfect 2
• Selma

They incorporated Mmmbop, how can I not choose them?

Best Song Written For Visual Media
• Earned It (Fifty Shades Of Grey) — Ahmad Balshe, Stephan Moccio, Jason Quenneville & Abel Tesfaye, songwriters (The Weeknd)
• Glory — Lonnie Lynn, Che Smith & John Stephens, songwriters (Common & John Legend)
• Love Me Like You Do — Savan Kotecha, Max Martin, Tove Nilsson, Ali Payami & Ilya Salmanzadeh, songwriters (Ellie Goulding)
• See You Again — Andrew Cedar, Justin Franks, Charles Puth & Cameron Thomaz, songwriters (Wiz Khalifa Featuring Charlie Puth)
• Til It Happens To You — Lady Gaga & Diane Warren, songwriters (Lady Gaga)

I did not cry in the back of the theater of AN ACTION MOVIE or nothing.

Best Music Video
• LSD — ASAP Rocky
• I Feel Love (Every Million Miles) — The Dead Weather
• Alright — Kendrick Lamar
• Bad Blood — Taylor Swift Featuring Kendrick Lamar
• Freedom — Pharrell Williams

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Same old story, not much to say. Hearts are broken every day.

Sad seasons in life (broken hearts) sometimes align with sad seasons in nature (winter).

Sometimes people let you believe that they love you, never actually correcting you or telling you otherwise, they just go on not loving you. While you stand by idly. Trusting their heart. Surrendering your heart over to them. Living in an illusion.

And then, instead of fighting for your heart when the moment arises, they just walk away. And you sit at home. And cry. Alternating between listening to sad songs and binge watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix (or on DVD when Netflix also betrays you). While you eat unhealthy amounts pizza and puppy chow. Because that is what numbs the pain.

People tell you that it gets better. That you deserved better. But thostirede aren’t the people who just watched their futures go from happily ever
after to lonely cat-lady.

All it does is reopen the wounds when you talk about it to new people and have to explain all the nuances of your lost relationship. And your friends, your real friends, the ones who know everything and love you anyway, they are tired of hearing about Adr-eh-um-him. They are tired of hearing about him. So you fake it. Fake it until you make it, right?

And so you pretend to be okay. Because it’s exhausting being sad all the time. And sometimes you are okay; because life is full of distractions. And sometimes you go back. Even after you said you wouldn’t. “For real this time,” you said. But you’re in love. And you can’t help it. So you go back every time thinking things will be different. One day hopefully it will be. Or one day you’ll fully heal. But truth be told, I don’t want to just heal, I want him. But I guess I would settle for either.

And then you make a playlist. And then you blog about it. Because your word vomit has to go somewhere. And Lord knows that boy doesn’t want to hear it.

  1. All I Ask – Adele – 25
    “No one knows me like you do. And since you’re the only one that matters, tell me who do I run to?”
  2. Me, Myself, and I – Hanson – Shout It Out
    “I don’t wanna get used to ‘it’s over’ but we’ve already said too much to make it new.”
  3. All Too Well – Taylor Swift – Red
    “Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it. I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it.”
  4. When I Was Your Man – Bruno Mars – Unorthodox Jukebox
    “Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now. Our song on the radio but it don’t sound the same.”
  5. California Rain – Betty Who – Take Me When You Go
    “We won’t build a home, you won’t buy flowers every Monday.Or call on my birthday. I’m not the first & I won’t be the last to love you.”
  6. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room – John Mayer – Continuum
    “I was the one you always dreamed of, you were the one I tried to draw. How dare you say it’s nothing to me? Baby, you’re the only light I ever saw.”
  7. Silhouette – Owl City – The Midsummer Station
    “I’m new to this grief I can’t explain. But I’m no stranger to the heartache and the pain.”
  8. Hurricane – Parachute – Overnight
    “I’m standing in the pouring rain, I feel it like a hurricane. A photograph is all it takes, but I know I shouldn’t let it.”
  9. Unfair – Kate Voegele – A Fine Mess
    “Cause those who get to know our hearts the most, they always seem to be the ones we’ll never hold.”
  10. Dreaming with a Broken Heart – John Mayer – Continuum
    “When you’re dreaming with a broken hear the waking up is the hardest part. You fall outta bed, and down on your knees, and for a moment you can hardly breathe.”
  11. Sunburn – Ed Sheeran – +
    “If you cut deep then I might learn. If you scar and leave me like a sunburn.”
  12. You Were Meant for Me – Jewel – Pieces of You
    “Same old story, not much to say. Hearts are broken everyday.”
  13. Sad Beautiful Tragic – Taylor Swift – Red
    “And time is taking its sweet time erasing you. And you’ve got your demons, and, darling, they all look like me.”
  14. Say You Love Me – Jessica Ware – Tough Love
    “Cause I don’t wanna fall in love if you don’t wanna try. But all that I’ve been thinking of is maybe that you might.”
  15. Sooner Surrender – Matt Nathanson – Modern Love
    “I’d sooner surrender, than watch the last wall collapse. I’d sooner surrender and our love will count for everything. And I miss when you were everything.”
  16. Was I the Only One – Jordin Sparks – Battlefield
    “I don’t understand how I can feel this pain, and still be alive. All these broken dreams and all these memories are killing me inside.”
  17. The Heart Wants What it Wants – Selena Gomez
    “Save your advice cause I won’t hear. You might be right but I don’t care. There’s a million reasons why I should give you up, but…”
  18. Not in Love – Olin & The Moon – Footsteps
    “Because you’re not in love. There’s no way you possibly could. You shouldn’t even like this, you just like the way it looks.”
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To the boy who couldn’t love me (and probably isn’t read this):

I’m sorry for what we have become. The heartbreak and the hateful words and silence were never a part of the plan. I never wanted any of this for either of us. All I want is for you to be happy, and if your happiness is found in someone else, then I want you to have that person. I see now that you’re just not ready to settle down and be with me. And that’s okay. I can’t make you love me with the same exuberance as I love you. You’re young, and attractive, and funny, and smart, and charming, and you still have so many options to choose from, but I can’t be just an option. I need to be the only one. And as petty as you think it is or society thinks it is, I need labels. I get that labels aren’t cool, but listen, I never claimed to be cool. As uncool as I may be, I love equally as deeply, I need someone who isn’t afraid to love me the same way. And I get that you’re just not ready for it, but I can’t change who I am. And you can’t change who you are, and where you are in life. And I’m sorry for thinking that I could force that on you. Your feelings do matter. But I can’t be what you need in this season of your life, and I’m sorry.

Mostly I’m sorry that we’ll never get to live the life I’ve imagined for us. I’m sorry we won’t fly our families to Catalina one day to watch us celebrate our love for one another. And I’m sorry that we’ll never get that farm in Austin that we talked about, and that we’ll never have to struggle to figure out how you, and me, and Clark will all fit in one bed comfortably (because believe me, it was going to be a challenge), and that we won’t sit on our porch swing when we’re old and wrinkling drinking lemonade together. I’m sorry that we’ll never get to see the actualization of one another’s dreams. I just hope that one day we’ll reach the point of where I can still watch from a distance. Because when you figure it out, and to capture your potential in everything, you’ll have a beautiful life, and it will be worth beholding.

It’s just that sometimes people aren’t meant to be together. No matter how hard you try to force it. And boy, did we try to force it. I still don’t get it, I guess, why things like this happen. I can’t fathom for the life of me why a God who loves me more than anything would allow me to fall so desperately in love with someone I’m not supposed to spend my days growing old with. I’m sure many of you will have your explanations, but they will fall on deaf ears. I’ll never get it. Sure, I’ll hear you when you say “it will help you grow” and, “God’s just molding you so that when your prince charming comes along you’ll be ready” and I’ll nod and agree, but in my heart I won’t understand. Couldn’t I have been molded by some other force other than earth-shattering heartbreak?

My friends will all think this boy is the only person to blame for the situation. And I will love them for it, but they will be wrong. It’s also my fault. Behavior is cultivated. And what you allow is what will continue. And I allowed a lot. I allowed it because I was desperately in love (as I still am) and I thought being easy-going, letting him do what he wanted and make all the calls in the relationship would make him love me more (I don’t think it did). And because I have this idea in my head of who I don’t want to be. I never wanted to be that girl, the one who people refer to as “ball and chain.” The girl who is so needy that she become a joke to people. I wanted to be the lovable one, and I thought allowing an excess of things to go on would make me that girl, and that he would love me for it. I don’t think it did, I think it taught him to take me for granted. Maybe if I had asserted my needs a little earlier we wouldn’t be where we are now. Maybe we would be happy. Or maybe we would have found out long before now that we really weren’t meant for each other and we could have just been actual friends. And maybe I wouldn’t be miserable right now.

Many people will write-off our relationship because it was never an “official” relationship. They’ll say things like “well, you guys were never actually together so…” and those are the people who will hurt me the most. Because it doesn’t have to be official for it to hurt. He didn’t have change his Facebook status for it be real. Because my love was real. My tears are still very real. It was all real to me, because I had already committed to it. And by you taking that away from me, and invalidating it, it amplifies my pain. Because that means I just making a big deal out of nothing and I should just grow up. And thoughts like that won’t help me heal.

You know, and maybe it wasn’t as real for him, but even that kind of knowledge doesn’t make it any easier for me. In fact, I think it makes it harder. The realization that he might have never loved me hurts worse that thinking that he just fell out of love with me. To think that it was just a game for him to get what he wanted and then leave is even worse. And I try to not let my mind wander that way, but it happens. Because I’m cynical. I’ve spent the last 10 years thinking that I’m unlovable, because while all my friends are getting married and finding love and happiness, I’m not. Up until very recently I’ve never even been close. There’s never been anyone in my life who I’ve thought “yeah, I can spend forever with this person.” Until now. But what’s worse than not having anyone is fooling yourself into thinking you have someone, or having them in flashes and then nothing at all. I can tell you from experience, that is worse. People always say “it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,” and those people are wrong.

I’ll spend the next several months trying to piece myself back together. And it will be hard. “Months” is a very optimistic way to look at it, it will likely be longer. Because I’ve spent the last two years forming this other version of myself. This pseudo-Misty who’s life was entangled with someone else. Because that is what you do when you’re in love. So now I have to disentangle myself and fill in the holes where he used to be.

Friends, please love me anyway. I’m just trying to find my joy again. Bare with me as I bail on your plans, and when I fake laugh at your jokes, and as I post a plethora of Taylor Swift lyrics to my social media accounts (can’t help it, girl just speaks to me), because eventually I’ll be the me you remember, or I’ll be a better version of her.

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#BeachHouse2015

I woke at the beach this morning. With the waves crashing outside, and the smell of the sea breeze filling the room.

And it was good.

It’s my favorite week of the year.
No deadlines.
No alarm clocks.
No boyfriend drama.
Just me and my best friends hanging out in a seaside beach house.

1. The Saltwater Room — Owl City Ocean Eyes
“What will it take to make or break this hint of love? So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love? All the time.”

2. I Want You To Know — Zedd Feat. Selena Gomez True Colors
“I’m better under your reflection. But did you know that’s anybody else that’s met ya. It’s all the same glow.”

3. Heartbeat — Mat Kearney Just Kids
“Ain’t bringing you no games. Ain’t leaning on no cliches. If you’re sharing my bed then baby you share my name.”

4. Feeling A Moment — Feeder Pushing the Senses
“Don’t fall apart, don’t let it go. Carry the notion, carry the notion back to me.”

5. Red Camaro —  Keith Urban Fuse
“Somewhere, somebody tonight is falling in love.”

6. Want to Want Me — Jason Derulo Everything is Four
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do, just to get up next to you.”

7. Ghost — Ella Henderson (Single)
“I keep going to the river to pray ’cause I need something that can wash out the pain.”

8. Ain’t No Mountain High Enough — Marvin Gaye Guardians of The Galaxy
“Just call my name; I’ll be there in a hurry. You don’t have to worry.” 

9. Rewind Repeat — Martin Garrix Feat. Ed Sheeran (Single)
“Stay for the night. Call it what you want. And I’ll compromise to have you in my arms.”

10. Someday — Joe Brooks A Reason To Swim
“Someday, I’m gonna put a smile on that pretty face. Someway, we’ll still be dancing’ when we’re old & we’re gray.”

11. Imagine It Was Us — Jessie Ware Tough Love
“I don’t know if this is love, but I think it’s worth a try.”

12. Crave – Parachute (Single)
“G
onna find somebody, find somebody to love. I try but I’m always running. Can’t stop running. End up being alone.”

13. New Romantics — Taylor Swift 1989
“Cause baby, I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me.”

14. Sugar — Maroon 5 V
“I don’t wanna be needing your love. I just wanna be deep in your love. And it’s killing me when you’re away.”

15. Lost Without You — Hanson Anthem
“I can’t believe this moment. You’ve got your eyes locked on me. In my head I think it must be a mistake.                                  But my heart says, take your chances.”

16. Time After Time — Quietdrive When All That’s Left Is You
“If you’re lost, you can look and you will find me. Time after time. If you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting. Time after time.”

17. Jealous — Nick Jonas Nick Jonas
“Protective or possessive, yeah. Call it passive or aggressive.”

18. Budapest — George Ezra Wanted On Voyage
“Give me one good reason why I should never make a change. And baby if you hold me then all of this will go away.”

19. F.N.T. — Semisonic Great Divide
“I’m surprised that you’ve never been told before that you’re lovely. And you’re perfect. And that somebody wants you.”

20. Shut Up And Dance — Walk the Moon Talking is Hard
“Oh don’t you dare look back. Just keep your eyes on me.”

21. Honey, I’m Good — Andy Grammer Magazines or Novels
“Gotta be like oh, baby, no, baby, you got me all wrong, baby. My baby’s already got all of my love.”

22. Sandcastles — Kate Voegele Gravity Happens
“I’d rather make sandcastles instead of these wide world decisions. I don’t have a plan at all, but I got this six string religion.”

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The Moment I Knew

So recently I have been “talking” to this boy (who will remain nameless for his own protection). Which, in and of itself is a problem (for obvious reasons..I mean, I am 25-years-old). Mostly because when I say recently, I mean off and on for like a year. It’s not that I am 100% against “talking,” but when you can’t nail something down in a YEARS time, I think it’s time to move on. Be friends, don’t be friends, but definitely stop “talking.” Because prolonged “talking” is the hardest part of a relationship. “Talking” is when we are more concerned with who has the upper hand than actually attempting to fall in love. “Talking” causes more insecurities than are already present in everything but the most committed of relationships. “Talking” is the worst.

So please, take my advice.worth

You are worth more. I’m not just talking to girls here. Guys, you are worth more. Each of us, God-made human beings are worth more than “talking.” You are worth spending time with. You are worth phone calls. You are worth the most inconsequential of text messages, or Snapchats. You are worth reassuring. You are worth commitment. You are worth being made a priority. You are worth showing off, and meeting their friends and their family. You are worth bike rides, and road trips. You are worth day trips to the zoo, and museums. You are worth homemade dinners, and nights watching Netflix. You are worth so much more than you realize, and if the person you’re “talking” to doesn’t realize that, that is not your fault. It may not be anyone’s fault, but that doesn’t make it okay.

It will be hard, but you have to re-evaluate.

I tried every way in the world to convince someone that I was worth it, but you should never have to convince someone of your worth. And the moment I realized he wasn’t getting it, I made this play list. (Sorry for the Debbie-Dower post, but I had to make a public declaration, or I will fall into the same old cycle.)

1. The Moment I Knew — Taylor Swift  Red

“What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know? And what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show?”

2. All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye — John Mayer  Battle Studies

“I love you more than songs can say, but I can’t keep running after yesterday.”

3. One Too Many — Bryan Greenberg  We Don’t Have Forever

“Ok, I’m here. I’m ready to talk. Sacred to hear my own voice. Try to listen to my broken heart. Drown out the noise.”

4. Forever and Almost Always — Kate Voegele  A Fine Mess

“You’ll be mine forever and almost always. It ain’t right to just love me when you can. I won’t wait patiently or wake up everyday just hoping that you’ll still care.”

5. The Hardest Part — Coldplay  X & Y

“And the hardest part was letting go, not taking part. You really broke my heart.”

6. World of Chances — Demi Lovato  Here We Go Again

“Maybe you’ll call me someday. Hear the operator say the number’s no good, and that she had a world of chances for you.”

7. Sooner Than Later — Drake  So Far Gone

“I forgot to call to you on your birthday. You swear you’re the last thing on my mind. There is nothing I can do to fix it,  all you ever asked me for was time.”

8. My Myself and I — Hanson  Shout It Out

“I’m not gonna try to forget. Maybe happiness is worth the chance of a bitter end?”

9. Hurricane — Parachute  Overnight

“Oh I knew, that even if I kept you in the dark it would never do, because it only takes a spark.”

10. White Horse — Taylor Swift  Fearless

“I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.”

11. It’s Beginning To Get To Me — Snow Patrol  Eyes Open

“And it’s beginning to get to me, that I know more of the stars and sea, than I do of what’s in your head.”

12. Beg You To Fall — Kate Voegele Gravity Happens

“And I don’t wanna stand here and beg you to fall. ‘Cause one day you’ll see, I was worth it all.”

13. Kept — Matt Nathanson  Modern Love

“And I should have kept my hands; I should have kept my arms inside. I believe it now. I should have kept my head. I should have kept my heart, my heart.”

14. I Almost Do — Taylor Swift  Red

“And I just wanna tell you it takes everything in me not to call you. And I wish I could run to you and I hope you know that every time I don’t I almost do.”

15. Make You Feel My Love — Adele  19

“When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, 

I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love.”

Listen to the playlist here.

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#BeachHouse2014

WE LEAVE FOR THE OUTER BANKS TODAY! Spending a week in a house off the coast of North Carolina is pretty much my favorite thing in the world.

And naturally, I’ve created a playlist. The full playlist is roughly 12 hours long, but here are the highlights.

1. The Mixed Tape  Jack’s Mannequin One Tree Hill: Friends with Benefit

“As I rearrange the songs again. This mix could burn a hole in anyone, but it was you I was thinking of.”

2. Last Days of Summer in San Francisco  Matt Nathanson Last of the Great Pretenders

“There was so much I didn’t believe in, and then, there was you. You made me brave, you made me stupid.                                         Gave me this skin, that I could move in.”

3. Sing Ed Sheeran X

“I don’t wanna know if you’re getting ahead of the program. I want you to be mine.”

4. Birthday  Selena Gomez Star Dance

“Tell ’em that it’s my birthday when I party like that. Every night’s my birthday, they don’t know, so it’s okay.                                        Tell ’em that it’s my birthday when I party like that.”

5. Meant to Be  Parachute Overnight

“Baby all I know, and that I’ve come to find, you can the touch the sun, but you’re never gonna kiss the sky.”

6. Rather Be  Clean Bandit (Single)

“It’s easy being with you, sacred simplicity. As long as we’re together, there’s no place I’d rather be.”

7. Best Day of My Life — American Authors Best Day of My Life

“I’m never gonna look back. Whoa. I’m never gonna give it up. Nooo. Please don’t wake me now.”

8. Cut Right Through Me  Hanson Anthem

“I’ve said a word and I’ve said too much. You take a piece of everything you touch.”

9. American Secrets  Parachute The Way It Was “We would drive out through every lonely street, yeah. Smell the truth in her hair, felt the world at my feet, yeah.” 10. Classic  MKTO MKTO

“Out of my league. Old school chic. Like a movie star from the silver screen. You’re one of a kind living in a world gone plastic,  baby, you’re so classic.”

11. Hundred Million Dollar Soul  Kate Voegele Gravity Happens

“It’s no wonder that you’re such a natural, you got everything I want from your head to your toes. And underneath that smile that has me sold is your hundred million dollar soul.”

12. Parallel  Heffron Drive (Single)

“Counting stars, laying in the grass, side by side, your head on my shoulder. We talk a lot about nothing much, with every breath we are getting closer.”

13. 22  Taylor Swift Red

“It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters, and make fun of our exes, ah-oh, ah-oh.”

14. TKO  Justin Timberlake The 20/20 Experience Pt. 2

“This ain’t the girl I used to know, no, not anymore. TKO.”

15. Moment With You — Will Anderson (I may have downloaded this off SoundCloud, sorry Mikey)

“Baby, close your eye, don’t miss this feelin’. When I pull you close this heart hits the ceilin’.”

16. Wanna Be Startin’ Something  Darren Criss (Originally by Michael Jackson) (Single)

“It’s too high to get over. Too low to get under. You’re stuck in the middle, and the pain is thunder.”

17. She Look So Perfect  5 Seconds of Summer She Looks So Perfect EP

“You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear. And I know now, that I’m so down.”

18. Just Want You To Know  Backstreet Boys Never Gone

“Looking at your picture from when we first met, you gave me a smile that I could never forget. And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night.”

19. The Way  Ariana Grande Yours Truly

“I got it bad boy, I must admit it. You got my heart, don’t know how you did it.”

20. Somewhere in my Car — Keith Urban Fuse

“But in my mind we’re somewhere in my car and it’s raining hard on the streetlights glow.”

Categories: Music, Playlists | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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