February 2014

Did anybody else get wished a happy single awareness day, or was it just me?

Just me? Okay, cool.

Or maybe you heard the oh so familiar (and frustrating) line “don’t worry, one day it will happen” from your trying-to-be-helpful family and friends?

Again, just me? Man, that’s rough. Maybe I need to start spending less time looking for love and more time looking for new friends. Jk! I have good friends (I would venture to say the best), but listen, sometimes this isn’t what I want to hear. Especially when in the back of my mind, I’m pretty sure it’s my fault the whole “love thing” isn’t happening for me.

See, here are my main problems with love:

1. I only want what I can’t have. I’ve had this discussion with my bfffff Tara multiple times, I am honestly only interested in someone until he shows any amount of interest in me. Seriously. It happens pretty much every time. Every single time a new guys comes into my life and I think I might be in love with him (because those of you that know me know that I’m pretty much an all or nothing kind of girl, and that I sometimes use the word love too loosely), it’s obviously easier for me to love him from afar. But then, if said guy decides he also wants to love me, it’s game over. Game. Over. I’m pretty sure it’s a defense mechanism. You know, as long as there is absolutely no chance of a relationship there is also pretty much no chance of a broken heart. It’s solid logic, but not a solid way to actually live life. It’s a concerning aspect of my personality that I’m trying really hard to fix. I mean, what if one day Will Anderson appears in my life and I shut him down? I can’t be having that.

2. I tend to get defensive. When a guy that I’m interested in (and still talking to, see problem #1) hurts my feelings, I immediately go on the defensive and put up a wall. And then it’s game over. And contrary to popular belief, I do actually have pretty fragile feelings. I’ll probably never even tell him that he hurt my feelings, and he’ll probably never even know what he did wrong, but something will shift. And it will be game over.

I also tend to find myself fairly undesirable…a lifetime of not being desired will do that to you. So if a guy shows any sort of interest in me, I immediately have She’s All That flashbacks and assume it’s a game, so I get defensive of myself.

“Misty, you are so pretty. Let’s go on a date.” -boy who is actually trying to be nice.

“–insert snide, sarcastic comment–” -my immediate reaction.

There are just so many mind games played today (by guys and girls) that it’s too hard to take anyone seriously. Also, I’ve had my share of broken hearts over silly games, and I’m not inclined to ever have to mend one again. So I just shut it down and don’t accept pursuing, because who knows if it real or a game? Once again, defense mechanism. It’s easier to not play the game, than to play the game a lose. This one is unfair to all the actual good guys, and I know that. You shouldn’t have to pay for others mistakes, but alas, you do, and I’m sorry. I’m working on that, too.

3. Friendzoning. I spend an unhealthy amount of time in the friend zone. Or more accurately, in limbo. Where you’re not quite sure what’s going on. Are we just friends? Are we friends with potential? Are we more than friends? Am I just a hook-up? LIKE, WHY IS THERE SO MUCH GREY? Why can’t it be black and white? I’m not saying people should go from nothing to love immediately (like I so often do in my head), but if you’ve been “friends” for a while and you’re still in limbo, something needs done about that. And my problem is that something always gets done, it’s just not the good something. Usually if I find my self in limbo with a guy, I get mad that he can’t just make it black and white, so I go ahead and choose for him. Friendzone. Game over. If you’re reading this, and you think you might want to some day date me, heed my words…be a man about it (I know I’m giving advice that applies directly to me, but really you should give this courtesy with every girl). Have a DTR with me (DTR = Define The Relationship). If we are in limbo, be a man and let me know what you want out the relationship. Unfortunately for you (and fortunately for me) you are the man, so you get to be the one responsible for initiating the relationship. Sorry bro, house rules. If this DTR does not occur in what I deem a reasonable amount of time, I will get mad, and I will choose for you, and it will always be the friend zone. I’m sure this strategy has booted some pretty good guys from life as well.

So, there you have it. There is my self-disclosure for the week. I have a defective brain.

Now you all know why I’m still single, so please, stop asking.

Fruitvale Station.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? No? It didn’t me either. To be honest when I rented the movie, all I knew about it was that it had Michael B. Jordan in it, and that it had won a bunch of awards at Sundance (not that I cared much about that, I was only interested in MBJ). That’s it. I literally had zero idea what the plot was, I didn’t know that Octavia Spencer was in it, or whether it was even in english. That is how little I knew about it.

And now, I can’t stop thinking about it.

This movie revealed two hard truths to me this weekend:

#1.) I am scarily unobservant.

#2.) Humanity is not as honorable as I like to think.

For those of you out of the loop, like I was, the movie is based on the true story of Oscar Grant. Grant was shot and killed by a BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) officer on the platform in Fruitvale station in the early morning hours of January 1, 2009. He was 22-years-old, and had a four-year-old daughter. Grant was shot in front of dozens of BART passengers, many of which recorded the incident with their camera phones.

In the movie we see that Oscar Grant is flawed. He cheated on his serious, long-term girlfriend and the mother of his daughter. We see that he is into drugs. We see that he has done jail time. And we see that he has violent tendencies. But we also see that he is tender, charismatic, and trying to do better. He is painted as a young adult trying to figure out his troubled life.

In full disclosure, the movie is obviously biased. I’m not saying that the point of the movie is wrong or right, but they obviously had an agenda. Which is fine. It’s a dramatization, not a documentary, it’s allowed to interpret things however it wants.

After watching the movie (and crying like a little girl) I was curious to see the real parts of this story. So I did some research. I watched all the direct evidence videos, and read all the court documents, and read lots of other articles on the subject matter, and my personal opinion is that Oscar Grant was executed.

And here’s why…

I think that it’s kind of ridiculous to think that said officer intended to taser Grant, but actually shot him. Aren’t guns generally a lot heavier than tasers? And, do they not have a safety feature that you would have to intentionally turn off to use? Also, I would assume that if you are an officer, you are trained to have your gun and your taser on separate sides of your utility belt? And to know which side is which? If we have officers out there who can make a mix-up of this magnitude, we are all in trouble.

Also, Grant was unarmed, and already restrained. And from eyewitness accounts seemed to be fairly cooperative, unless taunted into being otherwise.

And to pull the racism card, Grant was an African-American male, and they are generally treated unfairly (I would assume this is even more true in the Oakland area). It is a recurring theme if you look into police brutality; you will see African-American males being beating, singled out, and treated unfairly. Racism still exists, and I think it would be foolish to not let that play a part in this tragedy. Even if the officer wasn’t racist, I still think it was a racist act (does that make sense). Let me put it this way, if this was a group of Caucasian kids on a subway in Maryland do you think anyone would have ended up fatally shot?

I think the officer in question should have been punished to the full extent of the law. If the situation was reversed and the officer was African-American, and had fatally shot a Caucasian kid, do you think he would have received the same punishment? My guess is no. He would have most likely been severely punished, and not be made to serve just 11 months for involuntary manslaughter. If this was an isolated incident, my instincts might be to be a bit more lenient. But police brutality occurs on a weekly (if not daily) basis (do the research, the proof is there). And often goes unpunished. They are brutal because they can be. Because there are no repercussions. Where is the justice in that?

Now, back to how I learned how incredibly unobservant I am. This incident was presented and discussed in several media outlets. And I hadn’t heard a single thing about it. It was on the national news, on Youtube, and in magazines. Where was I? It just happened in 2009. I was old enough that I should have some recollection of it. But I can’t pull a single memory of it. And I am ashamed of that. What kind of Midwest bubble do I live in?

And people, though I want to believe they are inherently good, seem to prove just the opposite. I’m not even referring to the people involved in the incident (even though I obviously think there is some not goodness going on in them). I’m looking strictly at the people writing and commenting on this tragedy. People are hateful on both sides of the fence. Whether they believe that Oscar Grant brought this on himself, or whether they believe it was cold-blooded murder, they tend to get hateful about it. No matter which side you choose to take, the best way to win people over to your side is not to get ugly about it. In fact, when someone gets ugly in an attempt to prove their point, it often times backfires on them and it just solidifies the other persons view point. As I’ve said before, you can’t fight hate with hate.

But, don’t take my word on any of this. Watch the movie. Do some research and then make your own judgment.

(Totally trivial side note: I think this is the most shocking Oscar shut out of the year. All the leads deserve some Oscar love. I think it might have even been robbed a Best Picture nom.)

Month: February 2014

Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love.

Every step brings you closer to the edge