Day 6: It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. (what is the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced)

I feel like I have had my fair share of trauma and tragedy in my life. Not saying my life is bad by any means, I have been blessed beyond reason with so many wonderful things, but it hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows for me. This one is a three-way toss up for me.

1. On June 2, 2010 my Grandma was in a horrific accident, and we heard the “news” probably before the authorities were ready to tell us the news. My dad and I were sitting at home and got a call that someone had just heard about a car wreck on the police scanner, and that it was pertaining to our family. They gave us the location (which was literally just down the road from our house), and we were out the door. We arrived on the scene minutes after the collision. And were told that she was killed on impact. They had not even freed her from the wreckage before we got there. It was the most surreal thing, it was just like walking through a haze. For some reason, I just find it hard to deal with the fact that things like that actually happen. It was one of those things that happens to other people, but not to me. I didn’t even know how to handle it.

And to make things worse, the driver of the vehicle that hit her had committed many offenses. His truck was over the weight limit, he was not of age to drive that particular truck, he had alcohol in a cooler in the front seat, and among other things, he was speeding. It’s something that is going to haunt me the rest of my life. We are still to this day trying to bring some form of justice to the situation. He was so senseless, and look what he caused.

2. Almost exactly one year later, on July 1, 2011 ,my Granny was taken from us so unfairly, and so unexpectedly. My family and I are still reeling from this tragedy, and we will never be the same as we were. She was our glue.

I get worked up just thinking about it. I had spent the whole day with Granny in the ER, it was Fourth of July weekend and the nurses and doctors had clearly already checked out for vacation. They were less than helpful to us the whole 6 hours we were there. I will always hold them accountable for her death. After running exactly ONE test they sent us home, and they didn’t even run tests for any vital organs. The first thing they should have done when she told them she was having chest pains was to run a test on her heart. They also managed to ignore the fact that she was diabetic and needed to take insulin and needed something to take it with, even though I reminded them roughly every 15 minutes. After she as given a false clean bill of health, I told her I loved her and we parted ways, only to be back at the hospital less that 30 minutes later. We were told many things by different people, all things that were comforting; she’s awake, she’s going to be fine…then unexpectedly we were asked if we wanted to put her on life-support, and almost instantly after that they told us they had lost her. We will never know what happened, people tend to cover their tracks pretty well after messing things up. But, I don’t know that knowing would make it any easier.

3. Now, before I start, I don’t want anyone to judge me for comparing losing my cat to losing my grandmothers. It was hard on me, especially at that time in my life. Right before my junior year of high school my beloved cat passed away. One day he was totally fine and the next he wasn’t eating or drinking. Then we took him to the vet, and they “fixed” him, so we brought him home. False hope. Not fixed. So we took him back. Turns out that he was unfixable. His body was shutting down due to toxins in his bloodstream, and there was nothing they could do. Up until that point I couldn’t even remember a time in my life where he wasn’t around. He had been apart of our family for 13 years. The love of a pet is something that we often take for granted. Magic adored me. Not saying I didn’t love him too, because obviously I did, but unfortunately, I didn’t realize just how much until he was gone. I’ll never have another pet like him. He grew up with me. Magic was my best friend, and it’s hard to watch your best friend die right in front of you. I spent a solid two weeks crying.