Posts Tagged With: advice

When the night’s the darkest, you can see the stars

To say my life has been dark lately would be a gross understatement. It’s literally just been one thing after another after another after another. Like seriously, give. me. a. break. 

And I’m not going to lie to you, I haven’t always dealt with life’s blows gracefully. I sulk, and I lash out, and I recoil. Mostly I sleep and ignore people. That’s my coping mechanism. Say what you will, but it’s healthier (and cheaper) than heroin, right?

In my last blog I tried to describe what it feels like to be “more than just sad” during the holidays. It was hard then, and then things got worse. It’s one thing to lose one person you care about, it’s infinitely worse to be blindsided by the loss of several people.

Without going into a lot of detail (if you’re here to read the latest gossip in the on-going saga of my life, then you’ve come to the wrong place), I got pretty badly hurt. But, it was not by the person who I thought would deliver the most painful blow. Honestly, it was the way everyone else reacted that hurt the most.

The fallout was worse than the initial impact. 
My friends, or people who I thought were my friends, turned their backs on me.
When I needed them the most they were nowhere to be found.

Under the guise of not wanting to get involved, or trying to stay neutral, they all left me high and dry. And that was when I learn a valuable lesson first hand: your boyfriend’s friends are not your friends. I thought due to the fact that my circumstances were different that my outcome would be different. I knew most of them outside of Lucas*. Even if Lucas had never been in the picture, I still would have known these people, and we still would have been friends. So I thought it was different.

It was not different.
When the dust settled, they were not my friends.
They were his.

That’s when I learned a second lesson: when the night is the darkest, you can see thedark2 stars. This works both on a scientific level, with actual stars, but also on a metaphorical level. Right now, while my night is the darkest, the stars in my life are all the more clear. And it’s not always the people who you would expect. There were people who I believed in, who let me down, and there were people that I didn’t really give a second thought to, who have stuck by my side. Life is funny like that. Constantly reminding you that you have no idea what’s going on.

Right now, it’s easy to see the people who really care about me. Because when you care about someone, you don’t skirt around the hard topics, you face them head on. When you care about someone, you don’t avoid them when you think something might be awkward, you walk through that awkwardness with them. When you care about someone you are not just there when it’s easy, you hang around when life gets messy.

These people, my metaphorical stars, have the knack for knowing when to be exactly what I need. They know when to give me tough love, and when to offer gentler advice; when to offer me a distraction, and when to let me wallow a little; when to encourage me to run a 5K, and when to feed me and tell me I’m pretty. They’ve all been incredibly thoughtful and kind to me, even when sometimes I was less than kind and thoughtful in return (read: when I was the worst person to be around).

So in a really strange way, I can already see the bright side of this situation. If nothing else comes from this, at least now I know who is in my corner. It was brought to my attention recently that I had been “burning bridges” with people, which I didn’t for a minute think was true. What had I done to burn any bridges? I wasn’t hateful to anyone, I didn’t even really talk to anyone about what was going on. How could I be burning bridges with people I wasn’t even talking to? But it looks like I was just blissfully unaware. I’ll just say this, if a rumor, or a little awkwardness is enough for you to cut ties with me, then honestly, I’m probably better off without you. I am not currently in a position to be able to tolerate having to question the intentions of everyone around me.

Feel free to divide yourselves up into the categories of STARS and BRIDGES and then react accordinglyI don’t think it will be hard, you know who you are on both sides of the fence. Thank you for continuing to help me figure life out, because you all play your part, some just do it better than others.

*name changed for obvious reasons

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Categories: Everyday Happenings, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

The Moment I Knew

So recently I have been “talking” to this boy (who will remain nameless for his own protection). Which, in and of itself is a problem (for obvious reasons..I mean, I am 25-years-old). Mostly because when I say recently, I mean off and on for like a year. It’s not that I am 100% against “talking,” but when you can’t nail something down in a YEARS time, I think it’s time to move on. Be friends, don’t be friends, but definitely stop “talking.” Because prolonged “talking” is the hardest part of a relationship. “Talking” is when we are more concerned with who has the upper hand than actually attempting to fall in love. “Talking” causes more insecurities than are already present in everything but the most committed of relationships. “Talking” is the worst.

So please, take my advice.worth

You are worth more. I’m not just talking to girls here. Guys, you are worth more. Each of us, God-made human beings are worth more than “talking.” You are worth spending time with. You are worth phone calls. You are worth the most inconsequential of text messages, or Snapchats. You are worth reassuring. You are worth commitment. You are worth being made a priority. You are worth showing off, and meeting their friends and their family. You are worth bike rides, and road trips. You are worth day trips to the zoo, and museums. You are worth homemade dinners, and nights watching Netflix. You are worth so much more than you realize, and if the person you’re “talking” to doesn’t realize that, that is not your fault. It may not be anyone’s fault, but that doesn’t make it okay.

It will be hard, but you have to re-evaluate.

I tried every way in the world to convince someone that I was worth it, but you should never have to convince someone of your worth. And the moment I realized he wasn’t getting it, I made this play list. (Sorry for the Debbie-Dower post, but I had to make a public declaration, or I will fall into the same old cycle.)

1. The Moment I Knew — Taylor Swift  Red

“What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know? And what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show?”

2. All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye — John Mayer  Battle Studies

“I love you more than songs can say, but I can’t keep running after yesterday.”

3. One Too Many — Bryan Greenberg  We Don’t Have Forever

“Ok, I’m here. I’m ready to talk. Sacred to hear my own voice. Try to listen to my broken heart. Drown out the noise.”

4. Forever and Almost Always — Kate Voegele  A Fine Mess

“You’ll be mine forever and almost always. It ain’t right to just love me when you can. I won’t wait patiently or wake up everyday just hoping that you’ll still care.”

5. The Hardest Part — Coldplay  X & Y

“And the hardest part was letting go, not taking part. You really broke my heart.”

6. World of Chances — Demi Lovato  Here We Go Again

“Maybe you’ll call me someday. Hear the operator say the number’s no good, and that she had a world of chances for you.”

7. Sooner Than Later — Drake  So Far Gone

“I forgot to call to you on your birthday. You swear you’re the last thing on my mind. There is nothing I can do to fix it,  all you ever asked me for was time.”

8. My Myself and I — Hanson  Shout It Out

“I’m not gonna try to forget. Maybe happiness is worth the chance of a bitter end?”

9. Hurricane — Parachute  Overnight

“Oh I knew, that even if I kept you in the dark it would never do, because it only takes a spark.”

10. White Horse — Taylor Swift  Fearless

“I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.”

11. It’s Beginning To Get To Me — Snow Patrol  Eyes Open

“And it’s beginning to get to me, that I know more of the stars and sea, than I do of what’s in your head.”

12. Beg You To Fall — Kate Voegele Gravity Happens

“And I don’t wanna stand here and beg you to fall. ‘Cause one day you’ll see, I was worth it all.”

13. Kept — Matt Nathanson  Modern Love

“And I should have kept my hands; I should have kept my arms inside. I believe it now. I should have kept my head. I should have kept my heart, my heart.”

14. I Almost Do — Taylor Swift  Red

“And I just wanna tell you it takes everything in me not to call you. And I wish I could run to you and I hope you know that every time I don’t I almost do.”

15. Make You Feel My Love — Adele  19

“When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, 

I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love.”

Listen to the playlist here.

Categories: Everyday Happenings, Playlists | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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